04/01/2016 - 20:05
AUDITOR: Person that arrives after a battle to finish off the wounded.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET: Eight months when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex
BROKER: The person that you trust with thousands of your hard-earned dollars
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.
EBIT: Earnings before irregularities and tampering
EBITDA: Earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
MOMENTUM INVESTING: The art of buying high and selling low
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
